I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
