May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
