peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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