You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
