it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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