What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
