how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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