Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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