I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh god it's open bar.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
