yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
