evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
