69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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