you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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