Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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