Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
