My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
