Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
