She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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