Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
