he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
