she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
