He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
