he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
