do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
