She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
