I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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