remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
