Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
