my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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