remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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