I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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