He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
