I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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