Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
