Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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