Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
