I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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