I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
