Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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