It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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