i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
