i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
