Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
