actually, I'm a sock model
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
