I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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