you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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