my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
