So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
