My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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