4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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