Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
