no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
is wine microwaveable?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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